the pilgrimage: time for it to happen

19Jul09

i just finished the best cookie ever from the coffee ethic. some sort of berry oatmeal cookie. tasty. I’m sitting across from my sister who is studying her brains out for comps this week. lovely day – and when i say lovely day i mean really! it was 75 degrees today in the middle of july. it was a little breath of spring in the middle of summer.
Things have been great lately and a lot is going on. To fill you in a bit – I am going to Lollapalooza this year with friends August 7-9th, then Alaska to see my dad with my mom (and hopefully my sister) August 16-23rd, then I am making the journey to Charlotte to stay for a undetermined amount of time. I’m really excited for all of it. Lolla for the great music, to see my dad and see Alaska’s beauty, and to be with Arin in Charlotte as well as fantastic friends, and of course, the prayer room. The next season will be me jumping into, again, being a full time prayer missionary. I’m excited. Pray with me as a get funding together and join up with Arin in the South.
Definitely on a pilgrimage.

More later. Gonna go romp around in the beautiful Springfield weather we are having.

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psalm 84

19Jul09

Yikes…I started this post a week ago and haven’t finished it. Trying to keep up with blogging but this season has been fast. Here ya go.

Wow what a week. 8 days of dog-sitting with a total of 3 houses. On my watch this week: 2 king charles cavaliers, 1 schnauzer, and 2 golden-doodles. I’m glad to be home now but it was good. bark bark. woof.

In the past 8 days dog sitting I’ve really gotten a lot out of Psalm 84 – lots of time in between feedings, work, treats, pets, and letting the dogs out to meditate. Particularly the verse that says “Blessed is the man who’s strength is in You. Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.”

I’ve thought a lot about what it means to be strong in the Lord. And if you think about it, it doesn’t look like what we think strength in the natural sense looks like. At all. Think about what you think it means to be strong…Wealth. Prestige. Power. Influence. And of course the ever popular thought on strength: physical strength. You know, nice, big, toned muscles. The kind that throw large rocks.
As I’ve thought about strength in the Lord I’ve realized it actually looks opposite – it looks like weakness. It looks like foolery. It looks like intentionally putting yourself in someone’s invisible hands, a choosing of voluntary weakness. And any time you put your strength in someone else’s hands there is going to be a great deal of trust going on. Being strong in the Lord takes trust, it takes guts. It takes faith. It takes laying a down of your own strength.

I’ve also thought about what it means to be set on pilgrimage. That it takes time. That pilgrims don’t stay where they are, they move ahead. They know where they are going, but they often don’t know what the journey will hold and even more importantly – what the destination will actually look like. What they experience along the way is mystery until it comes upon them. Pilgrims sacrafice much to move forward into new land.

So what am i saying? Blessed is the man who is weak and goes on long faith journeys?
Yes. I guess I’m also saying to myself that I am called to this. Being strong in the Lord and having one’s heart set on pilgrimage can often look crazy to the world. Foolery, as I said above, comes to mind. But following this crazy leader Jesus into His perfect will takes foolery to the eyes of man…So, call me a fool and I hope I start act like one.

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a quote from one wise woman

15Jun09

“Remember to always elevate your faith above your feelings. Why? Because that which you elevate highly will govern you. Feelings change, but the precepts of faith are unchanging. Feelings change, but truth changes you. Always allow yourself to be governed by that which is eternal rather than that which is so temporary.
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Cor 5:7
Never allow your life circumstances to define you. Instead, let them refine you. Hard things are like heavenly sandpaper on your life. God uses them to shape and mold you into a work of art. When you feel the pressure of trials, remember that God won’t allow them to crush you; He intends for them to make you beautiful. (2 Cor 4:8-9)
Always exercise courage even when you don’t feel confident. Courage is a choice; confidence is a feeling. Remember that courage and confidence are not the same thing. Be brave, for bravery broadens you. Fear limits you.
Ask God to help you overcome earthly fear by developing reverence for Him. The only fear that brings you wisdom is the fear of God. Fear Him, reverence Him, and nothing else will shake you.”

- Jennifer Rothschild

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blogger vs. wordpress

15Jun09

on the wordpress vs. blogger thing
I think due to WordPress’s inability to put widgets/javascript/html (whatever you call it) on the blog, I may stick with blogger. I know it’s not good to be fickle on such things – but for now you have options if you read my blog – blogger or wordpress…I’ll keep posting on both of them until I decide what I want to do.
on the whole life thing…
it’s good.

the end.

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Forever Young

10Jun09

Today was Arin’s mom’s funeral. Despite it being a classic un-happy occasion it was a beautiful day. Lots of friends, family, and good moments today in spite of hard circumstances (as you can see from the pictures – also a good moment: walking with friends down the Joplin streets after the reception tonight).
One of my favorite moments of the day was on my way home from Joplin tonight. I was driving back by myself under a green sky of thunderstorms and therefore had my radio on to listen for the weather…something that I try hard not to do (not a big radio fan). So I was listening to the classics on good ole 105.1 and Rod Stewart’s Forever Young came on the radio. Now, I have never really been into Rod but beautiful Miss Linda Gilbert was (Rod and the amazing, the talented – Michael Bolton… Believe it or not she was something close to the founder or leader of the Michael Bolton fan club! She LOOOVED Rod and Michael). Anyway, she particularily loved the song Forever Young. So when it came on the radio as I was driving home, I pumped it up and called Arin and sang it to him on his voicemail.
Ha! It actually made me cry after I got off the phone because the lyrics were so perfect. So here’s the lyrics and here’s to you Linda! I will miss you and am going to buy a Rod Stewart’s greatest hits album (not sure if I can do Michael Bolton) as soon as I can…

May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when youre far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As youd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart youll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young
Forever young

And when you finally fly away
Ill be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
Im right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young ,forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young

Filed under: missing people, music   |  3 Comments

keep reaching for the invisible God

07Jun09

This verse makes me think of what it means to trust as a Christian. It also makes me think of the people who make up the house of prayer and what it means to be a priest. (and let me be clear, when I say priest I don’t necessarily mean men that live celibate lives and wear white collars. I also don’t only mean those that are on full time staff at houses of prayer) It makes me think of those that go into prayer rooms or prayer closets, day in and day out, rain or shine, tough or easy, to worship God. And not just the people who pray now, but the people who stayed and prayed in generations past. The Annas. The Stephens. The odd balls. The weird flag ladies. The old testament priests who had to deal with all that nasty, sticky, blood. The ones who haven’t yet stood on the wall of their hearts continually but will. And the ones that are standing now in churches and prayer rooms and prayer closets across the world that are paying their vows. Abiding in the tabernacle. Trusting only in the shelter of His wings.

Because to God, prayer and worship are important. A priest in my mind is anyone who stands before God on behalf of men. Praying and worshipping, asking for God His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven…And to God, that’s really important. 

It must be said that the Christian life, whatever it looks like, it isn’t exactly easy. To worship and trust in an invisible God and invisible wings is harder sometimes than to trust in the things that are seen. Anyone that trusts in God for outcomes related to life in general, experiences the pains of a sovereign God who happens to also be invisible, and lets face it, a lot of the times, silent too. To trust means to put fate in someone else’s hands. It’s to give up control and lean on an unseen outcome at the ability of someone else to preform it. And it isn’t easy when the One you are trusting is A. a crazy leader and is B. invisible… 

Trust is faith put into motion. We all know of it. We all experience it if we are believers…

Those who give up their lives to abide in the tabernacle, to trust in the shelter of invisible wings, truly hear their vows ringing in their own ears. (For You, O God, have heard my vows…and I would add, “and so have I!”) Day after day waking up wondering if it is really worth it because it is UNSEEN. it is a life of TRUST. it is FAILING to rely on our own strength on purpose. 

I guess what I am saying is two things have been on my heart to pray for the past few months: 

1. The burden to pray for those that are truly trusting in an invisible and often silent good God for outcomes beyond their control. 

2. The burden to pray for the prayer movement and for those who do it continually to truly see their purpose- to stand before God on the behalf of men. I’m praying that they would be strengthened in their hearts to continue to give it all because He’s worth it. To be livingsacrifices that I believe strengthen the rest of the Body of Christ into deeper levels of trust and commitment to the Lord. 

To my friends at ZHOP and elsewhere: keep going. He’s worth it. You are too.

To my friends who are really needing to see God’s goodness: Keep going. He’s good. He’s trustworthy and hears the cries of Your heart.

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sad week

06Jun09

Arin’s mom passed away yesterday around 10:30am.

It’s been quite a week. Pray for the Gilbert family.

Thank you.

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He Invited Me In

03Jun09

I’m gonna be honest…I wrote this post on Sunday and never finished it due to some hospital visits to Joplin. I wanted to go ahead and post it even though it’s semi-rough draftish because last week God really moved some fundamentals from head to heart knowledge that I wanted to share.
I will add that Arin’s mom is still not doing well and in ICU. I don’t know that she is going to pull out of it. Please pray for Arin’s mom, Arin, and his family. It’s all my little heart can think of right now really. Thanks for praying.
………………….
Please pray for Arin’s mom (her name is Linda). Since Tuesday she has been in ICU fighting off an infection in her blood and in her kidney and she’s not doing a whole lot of winning. get your pray on. thanks.

I don’t know much more to say than that right now. I painted a door red tonight, went to church this morning, and went to the pool with friends (not in that order). It’s been a good day in the midst of a roller coaster week (with mainly the above being why). Though probably because of it all, this week God’s been talking to me about the mystery that we are saved by grace through faith in Christ. I’ve had a couple of nights this week that I have felt very “dark but lovely” with an emphasis on the dark part. And in the midst of that feeling Thursday night I decided to do something about it. So I plopped myself in my room, shut the door, and sung and played my darkness out of me…at least for a few moments. It was really good, a lot of pitchy noises came out of me (kinda like squeeking) but what came into the room was the good ole presence of God…and when He comes into the room…well, nothing beats that feeling.
Anyway, while singing and playing had a little vision come to my mind that made me realize that I really am nothing apart from Him. In the vision (when I say vision, it’s more like an idea that the Holy Spirit lets me run with) I saw a picture of myself… I was wearing a big black shirt playing the scary villian role and Jesus wearing the gleaming white (like Tide clean white) shirt. Classic. And somehow, the most curious thing happened. Just because He was nice enough, He invited me, the scary villian black shirt girl, to be His friend. Of course I took the invitation and to my surprise here I am, no more villian, but not because I did anything to deserve it…only because of Him. Only because He invited me. Only because He is good and I get to hang out with Him.
And as our friendship grew I began to think that if I could just be by Him long enough maybe I could start to look like Him, you know, like you do when you grow old with someone or start to look like your dogs. And if I could just be next to Him long enough maybe I’d start to talk like Him; like you do if you move to the southern part of America and all of the sudden your saying things like “fixin to” instead of the normal “I am getting ready to…”. And if I could just be by Him long enough maybe I’d start to act like He does. If I could just be by Him long enough maybe I’d start to walk, breathe, smell, etc etc etc.
Anyway, after I sat there with those thoughts it changed from head to heart knowledge: that I don’t bring anything to the table other than that. Other than what my time with Him and our friendship lets me become. I started out a villian and a beggar in a big black shirt. He’s just nice enough to invite me in and give me some new clothes and let me be His friend.

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yey day

25May09

So far it has been a great memorial day weekend. A pretty great week too. Today I spent some time helping Michelle and Jeff plant a grand total of 12 boxwood shrubs. Since I don’t really have a place of my own it’s about the extent of my gardening this year. Actually planting at Michelle’s has been the extent of my gardening for most of my adult existence. Which by the way, gardening is something I could totally see myself loving in the future, if only the slight hiccup of allergies could get out of the way. Anyway, after a round of speed digging in the rain in the 9th inning of planting it was all accomplished. Then we all went over to a friends house for an impromptu dinner party that included entertaining dogs, of course fun grill food, and cookies.

I don’t know why I’m posting about all of this other than to say I have had some great times the past couple of weeks with friends. It’s been like a non-stop fun month for me. Surprisingly I’m not totally exhausted by it either, (yet) and being the introvert that I am I typically can’t handle this notch on the hangout button..

So here’s to planting in the rain and peanut butter cookies and impromptu dinner parties! Here’s to backpacking and bible study friday nights and movies with arin with fixed guitar strings. Here’s to crying at church because I needed to and lots of time playing with Lilly the dog and talking to my mom about life and God. Here’s to BBQs and wiffle ball games and making funny facebook videos with katherine (well, we thought they were funny)…

Yey. God makes life so good…

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5 thoughts

22May09

thoughts for the day:

1. I CANNOT figure out which theme to pick for this blog. I just need to stick with one but I’m having a hard time. Maybe I shouldn’t have moved it? Let me know if you have followed me here by commenting!

2. I love Goat Milk Blueberry Pomegrante Keifer. I enjoyed some today and yesterday. Probiotic and smoothie like. Things like this have been added to my diet since working at a health food store and it’s been great for me. I feel like I have more energy and have actually lost some weight. (Not that the weight was a goal of mine. It just sorta happened. Probably mostly due to eating better things for me during the day.)

3. “Things are going to change, I can feel it.” (come on where’s that line from? hint: it’s a song you’d know really well in middle school if you were my age) I actually don’t just feel it, I know it. More on that later.

4. I have loved loved loved my time with friends lately. Been attending many a bbq and have been making what I know will be really great memories later on. It’s been such a fantastic spring! (I sound like a cheerleader or something) In addition to all of these great times, I hope tonight goes well. It’s the girls bible study that happens every Friday and a couple of friends of mine that have never been are attending. While I’m girl-ing it up Arin is having a “man night”. I’m sure there will be fire and punching or something.

5. The verse in Proverbs 2 “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” has been following me around wherever I go. Somehow any time I try and meditate on another verse it doesn’t work. I think I’m stuck here for good reasons. Having this verse roll around my mind has been so comforting that I can’t explain. I love how the Word is ACTIVE! It definitely has held me hostage this week.

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